Soooo much has happened since my last post. I do apologize for my absence but sometimes you must disconnect to find yourself, recharge and return at your best. At the time of my previous post I thought that I was on the upswing of life. I did learn that what goes up must come down in every way.
I know that I have brought up single parenting a bit through my other posts, it’s just who I am now. Navigating being a single parent of four definitely has its highs and lows and I am not ashamed to admit that there was a low for some time. You go through the initial adjustment phase of doing it all alone and making sure that the children know that they are still loved immensely by both parents. I easily took care of things like repainting most rooms and some furniture, fixing door knobs or broken drawers because…well, I am a woman and I can handle it. It was the being pulled in four directions by the children and not finding time for myself that would get to me. Truth was, I was not making myself a priority. I was so busy trying to make sure that they knew that the divorce wasn’t their fault and that they were loved that I completely neglected myself.
I realized I was neglecting myself. I took steps to change it but it was challenging. I would start to focus on me and then something would happen that would break my routine and lead to a total shutdown. When rebuilding yourself as you are meant to be, you have to think about the things in your life that influenced who and what you are today. Even though they aren’t all bad, it does tend to bring up the bad with the good. Reflecting on your past traumas, acknowledging them for what they are and being grateful for the lessons they taught you IS the best therapy. The funny thing is that this whole process can make you physically and mentally feel like shit.
One thing I learned about myself is that, because I was raised by inattentive parents and had no real structure or discipline, I lived by the plan. As a child I was not able to live by plans because my parents had their issues and it caused many late shows and no shows. So as an adult, life was planned and sometimes over scheduled. I lacked spontaneity because if it wasn’t planned then I did not have the energy for it. Don’t get me wrong, that is good at times. You should not give your energy to things that you do not want to do but I missed out on things because I set myself up to only do what I had planned to do. I have learned that if I don’t mop every Sunday, the house won’t fall apart. If the laundry couch happens to hold laundry a little longer than expected, the house won’t fall apart. I may have become a little too relaxed with that type of stuff now but you know what? We are all still happy and healthy and have what we need. Taking those high expectations off my plate has definitely made life more enjoyable and given me breathing room again.
Another big lesson I learned in this time of healing and learning who I really was is that you can’t and do not have to please anyone. So use that energy to please yourself. And if it offends someone then that is a them problem and not a you problem. Trying to please others is a recipe for stress, frustration and disappointment. If you lose people finding your happiness, they aren’t your people. When you are living the best and happiest version of yourself, you are inspiring others to do the same. Be happy and do what makes you happy.
With all that being said, the full snow moon of February is here.I almost always do a full moon reiki healing session on full moons but I wanted to see what other suggestions were out there also. I did run across the suggestion below. I believe that it is time to remove all the crap that I hold on to. I have been saying the past couple weeks that I think it is time for a purge and well… it is. I am a “I can barely get done what I need to on a work day” kind of person so this will have to be weekend projects. I will keep you posted on my progress. If you are feeling what I dishing out then join me and we can share our purge progress with each other.
February’s Snow Moon and what it means for me:
Scorpio: It’s time to let go of what doesn’t serve you or bring you joy. Remove any and all excess from your life this month, and focus on your own happiness.
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